*~* My Heart On A Silver Platter: Mary Shaw's Opinions *~*

* My Heart On A Silver Platter *

...and you thought you really knew me...

This is the only subpage you'll find on my entire website that contains no distracting frills and where the colours are mainly black and grey. This is my way of saying: What you see is what you get. I made this page as plain as possible so that neither colours nor graphics could distract from my words. I know that this page is ugly yet simplistic. Perhaps the only distracting thing is the background music ("Return to Innocence"), but it can easily be muted by turning off your speakers.

The following are the opinions of Mary Shaw, an ordinary female with perhaps even ordinary thoughts. My ideas are posted not to cause conflict or yell " I'm right and you're wrong!" I publish my thoughts so that others may learn something from them.

After reading through this page, whether you think " That Mary is a weirdo!" or " Gee, Mary is a real keen beaner!", is up to you, depending on how you were raised, what you were taught, and your sense of humour. I share my ideas for the sole reason that it may be helpful to others, whether it makes them laugh (at my writing skills), whether it makes them think deeper, or whether it strengthens their own views.

While reading, please remember that opinions are not facts, so don't confuse one with the other. Opinions are naturally biased and you don't have to agree with them. Please be the patient and attentive reader and I will respect you as you respect me. Thank you! Sit back and enjoy the circus!

CULTURAL BARRIERS
- Copyright © June 20th, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

It's one thing to know another language, but it's another to speak it when appropriate. I am mostly Chinese with a little Scottish/Irish background, however, I cannot carry on a basic conversation in the Chinese language, nor have I ever been to Ireland. I am comfortable speaking only English and I have always excelled in reading and writing in that language.

I have friends who come from a wide range of racial/ethnic backgrounds (from French to Chinese to Italian to Canadian to West Indian to African to Polish to Spanish). Is there a problem with this when I'm living in Canada, a multicultural country? I wouldn't think so, but some find it problematic and even conflicting.

I find myself balancing on the borderline between my North American roots and my Asian roots. My appearance is also quite tricky. While some easily identity me as Chinese, others have mistaken me for Fillipino, Spanish (European), Korean, etc. I suppose this is because I don't fit the "Chinese Stereotype." My last name is not Lee, Cheng, Chin, Cheung, Chow, Ling, Lo, Ng, Tze, Ho, or any other easily-identifiable Asian/Chinese surname. My last name is Shaw. This seems to boggle the minds of many, and I ask...why? Interracial marriages do exist.

Anyway, I learned in psychology class that people naturally rely on their schemas all the time, but I can't help but be frustrated when people approach me and say, "You could pass for a White person." as though it's supposed to be a compliment or something. I also get annoyed when people say, "For a Chinese person, you don't act like one." as though I'm not really Chinese and as if Chinese people are supposed to act a certain way. While those comments weren't intentionally insulting, I didn't take them very well. Those are just a couple of comments I have been told.

Others have been even more blatant than that, if you can believe it. Some Chinese people have asked me, "Aren't you proud to be Chinese? Where's your Asian Pride?" Sorry, I suppose I left my Chinese flag and pom-poms at home.

I don't just celebrate being Chinese, rather, a person with both Chinese and Canadian cultures. Why do I have to promote just one? Why can't I enjoy both, afterall, I am part of both.

The Canadian culture is not just about hockey, beavers, moose, maple leafs, and beer. It's also about accepting and being sensitive to other cultures (and especially immigrants.) That's how I like to define it, anyway. The Chinese culture is not just about chopsticks, dragon dances, rice, the colour red, and bubble tea. It's about heritage from an ancient culture that practices certain traditions that try to foster humility, honour, respect, and self-restraint.

Nowhere in either culture does it say you must look a certain way to be a part of the particular culture. So what if my eyes are round, my eyelashes are long, my hair is curly, and I don't speak Chinese. I am still Chinese!!! So what if I celebrate the Chinese New Year, the August Moon Festival, and actually like going to Chinese restaurants and eating chicken feet. I am still Canadian!!!

When was it that people passed the law that said you could only be part of one culture? I will continue being who I am and I will keep believing that people will accept me for who I am, because quite honestly, it would be harder otherwise.

While some may continue to see me as "not Chinese enough" and while others may think "she's too Chinese", I can't please everyone, and when it comes to culture, I'll be a part of what I am comfortable with. If you're not comfortable with me, you don't have to be, and I'm sure that you are quite capable of turning around and walking the other way.

DISABLED OR ENABLED?
- Copyright © June 20th, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

Everyone has at one point turned on the television and saw a documentary on a 'disabled person.' Perhaps you begin to feel sorry about the person who had to have her limbs tragically amputated, or maybe it was the story about the midget with Down Syndrome that pierced your heart. Whatever it is, we often can't help feeling sorry for these people who, at first glance, seem to be different from us and who seem to be disadvantaged.

Yes, so they are mentally 'handicapped' and could never go beyond the reading level of a 7-year-old. Perhaps what you haven't noticed (or have), is that although they are 'disabled' in certain ways, they are enabled in others. They can really put all of us to shame. There are blind people who have read all the numerous classics in braile using their hands. There are 'leg-less' people who, with the aid of artificial legs, have run distances that boggle marathon runners without 'disabilities.'

What I'm trying to get at, but doing a horrible job, is that the 'disabled' are the world's angels in disguise. They show us what can be accomplished if one puts one's mind to a task. They show us that life must go on, and you must overcome the obstacles with faith and perseverance.

I don't believe in the terms 'disabled' or 'handicapped' at all. I find that those labels are derogative and too negative, but since the terms are well-known, I cannot avoid using them. I believe that these people are gifted in ways that others are not. They are the portraits of human strength in the face of tragedy. They are the rays of sunshine flooding every crevice in a dark and gloomy forest.

'Disabled people' teach me more and more each time I come into contact with them. Just as we teach them how to manipulate their artificial limbs, they teach us something far more valuable in return. They teach us that God doesn't take something away without giving us something even better in return. In the case of the 'disabled', taking away the use of an ability actually seems to increase a person's determination to succeed. I've always been in awe at the sheer zest a lot of 'disabled people' have. I'm sure that it isn't easy to be disfigured, deformed, or 'different.' I respect them for their inner strength and I keep them in my prayers.

SPIRITUAL DIRECTION
- Copyright © June 20th, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

I am a practicing Catholic and I have never hidden the fact that I love God. I can't understand why anyone would. I am proud to know God and the thing is that I need Him. I have faith in Him always, through both the good times, and especially the bad times. If I didn't have my religious beliefs, I don't know where I would be in the face of devastation. Actually, I do know. I would be lost.

My Catholic faith is a part of me that I never want to lose, and I won't because I craddle it. I'm not a "religious fanatic", but I do enjoy talking about God. Of course, there is a fine line between promoting and imposing. I promote. I do not impose my beliefs by ridiculously over-quoting passages from the Bible. I don't have a single subpage on my website that says that I am a better person because I'm a Catholic. We all have faults, and I will not hide mine through the visage of religion.

I've never had a problem getting along with people of different faiths, nor do I despise atheists. In fact, I have a few friends who are atheists (non-believers of God.) While I do sometimes try to help them see God's presence, I realize that there is only so many times that one can and should try before calling it quits. I'm not the world's converter; God is. I do have a lot of friends who take religion mildly. I'm not a "Church-o-holic", but I do attend the Sunday service.

The homilies are sometimes insightful and inspiring, however, of course some seem to be repetitive and boring. Yes, sometimes it appears dull, but c'mon, you didn't go to church for an all-out-fiesta or mardis gras, did you? If so, you've gone for the wrong reasons. Church is not for entertainment purposes only. That's what movies are for. Church is a place where you can quietly pray to God and it's where others can also go to publicly worship God. You don't have to wear expensive clothes to church, nor do you even have to be of the Catholic faith to attend. You just have to be a decent person, be respectful of God and others, and you've found your way into a spiritual/religious community.

If you're not a Catholic, you cannot receive the Eucharist at communion though. That sacrament is to be shared only by Catholics. It takes more than church attendance to be able to call yourself a Catholic. You must practice it in and out of church. Of course no one is perfect, but that's what confession is for.

From reading my other subpages on my website, you may or may not have come to the conclusion that I am a strong believer in my religion. I will not sway easily or without a fight. I have been approached by many in the past who have tried to convert me to their faith. That I will not do. While all religions do share some truth, they are not the same. Each religion has principles that can compliment or contradict another's.

I am involved in the religion that I totally believe in and the one I think is right for me. Karl Marx once said that religion is the opium of the people. Freud said that religion is an illusion. While I am not nearly as well known as those people, I say that religion is necessary in my life.

HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES ME NOT.
- Copyright © June 20th, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

Everyone loves that pivotal force of falling in love. It makes you dizzy. It makes you happy. It makes you feel like nothing else matters in the world except for that particular moment with that particular person. It's a warm feeling that buzzes inside you, filling your mind with sweet thoughts and unrealistic optimism. Your blood seems to circulate faster, and your heart races when that person is near. You've found love.

If you're like most people, you will overlook that person's quirks and flaws. Love has a way of blinding you from all things negative. You think to yourself, "It's nothing." That's just how strong love is. It has the power to promote idealistic positivity with flowery words and unspoken promises.

You feel so comfortable around that person, but how can you tell if you truly love that person? Is (s)he "The One"? These important questions are difficult to answer, and sometimes they're impossible.

Feelings are irrational and cannot be answered in a rational way. I think that when you think too much about something or start to question yourself too much, you confuse yourself. It causes doubts and insecurities. To me, I know whether I love that person if that person can make me feel ecstatic in ways that I've never known before. If they can make time seem to stop or pass by so fast, I know it's love. If I trust that person with all my heart and feel safe and secure around that person, it's love.

As for whether or not (s)he is "The One", no one really knows that except for God. Even when people get married, they aren't 100% certain that the other will be "The One", and so many couples sadly divorce. Love is just one of those crazy things of which you are completely vulnerable to. If you rush into it, it can wound you. If you go slowly, you may still end up having your heart ripped out.

Yes, I have had my heart broken before. I don't think anyone can honestly say they haven't experienced that. Having someone fall out of love with you can be the most devastating thing you've ever known. It can hit you hard or it can be a release of pain. All I will say is to enjoy love while it lasts and while you have someone warm to share your love with. That person might not always be around, so appreciate them while they are there.

THE MATURITY OF THE YOUTH
- Copyright © June 20th, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

Not all teenagers are rebellious or are searching for their identity. Some firmly know who they are and hate it when others group them together with those who give them a bad rap. If you treat teens like they will steal something from your variety store, chances are that they will think negatively about you. If you keep your eagle eye on the newspaper searching for a headline involving a teenager committing a crime, changes are that you will find it.

So what if some teenagers are criminals, rebels, or are disrespectful, indecent, or unapproachable. There are thousands of others who defy the stereotype. They exude intelligence, wit, and above all, maturity. While wisdom may come with age, all are not created equally. Some are more worldly than others. Some have a fire burning inside them. Some are anxiously awaiting someone to open up their heart to them. Some are quite accomplished individuals with several outstanding awards under their belt.

Don't underestimate the youth and their potential, because when you do, low expectations become diminished effort. For example, if you were constantly told that nothing you did was ever right, or that you were trouble, don't you think over a long period of time it would develop into something worse...perhaps (and dare I say it) a mental disorder? Don't reinforce stereotypes against the youth (or even the elderly for that matter.) Instead, try to always see the light flickering from within. Bring out that light and then you will realize how bright it was to begin with.

Why do you think we learn so much from the innocent mouths of children? The youth all bring something fantastic into our lives. We can learn from them, just as they can learn from those who are older and perhaps have more experience. Don't put out their light. Let them shine.

BUSTING OUT: WHO'S THE BIGGER BOOB?
- Copyright © August 11th, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

I'm about to tackle a very personal issue here that is quite controversial. I'm going to write about breasts (not in a vulgar way) and my annoyance rising from how society seems to think that bigger is better.

First of all, in ancient times breasts were a sign that a woman could nurse a child and was thus expected to be able to conceive a child. Obviously the bigger the breasts, the more obvious it was for men to see this indication. Nowadays it is a rare fellow indeed who will actually think the same primitive thoughts.

When a guy thinks about breasts now, I am willing to put my money where my mouth is and say that his thoughts are probably laced with sexual undertones. No matter where you look, you get the same message that bigger boobs are better. You hear about all those young women who undergo the surgeon's scalpel to attain the desired look. You see pictures of beautiful women with curvaceous bodies. Heck, even walking through the lingerie section in any department store is enough to raise the red light. I can tell you that some of the bras I have seen in stores have both frightened and amused me. Can you say helmets??? Some are so large and shaped just so that I could indeed flop it upon my head and join Joan of Arc into the battlefield. I kid you not!

Okay, if you were born that way, fine. It was in your genetics. If you had implants, I ask you...why? You are beautiful the way you are. Don't get sucked into the whole "bigger is better" myth. If a guy sees you only for your breasts, he's the biggest boob of all.

Also, don't forget that people with large breasts suffer from backaches and possibly even other serious health problems. Implants can burst and then what are you going to tell everyone when they discover your "secret"? Talk about embarrassment city! Don't even think about wearing falsies either, because once you wear them, you'll always have to wear them or someone will notice your suspicious difference. What I say is this: Make the best of what you've got. People do see beyond that. Besides, who wants to be around someone who likes you only for your appearance? You're smarter than that.

I know that busty women out there are going to tell me that having breast implants made them feel better about themselves and such. To them, I want to say this: Fine. It's good that you feel better, but I just feel terrible that you had to do that to make yourself feel good. Believe it or not, you've conformed to a beauty myth. Listen, you really are beautiful, no matter what your size is. God made all different sizes for a reason. Who cares if yours are like apples or cantaloupes. In the end, we make a good fruit salad...haha.

Like I always say, differences make us unique. We should learn to love them instead of trying to be someone or something we're not. Learn to accept your beauty and you will begin to see that you are very beautiful. Yes, there is a temptation to fall into the beauty trap and want bigger breasts, but at times like that, you have to hold your ground and be proud of who you are. Who else can best boost your self-confidence than yourself? You have to love yourself for who you are right now...this very moment...in that very body.

In case you should wonder, yes, I have a small measurement and at times I find it very difficult in a world that has busty models parading around like they're in a meat market. I've often felt disappointed with what I have and I sometimes question Mother Nature's fairness or lack thereof. In the end though, I always come back to the same conclusion: I should be happy with who I am. I can never be someone else. I can only be myself...Mary Shaw. Why should I want to look like a Barbie or pop star look-alike when I can be comfortable with being myself (the person I best know how to be)?

Although I haven't been a victim of taunting or teasing based on my size (thank goodness) but I am aware of all those cracks about "mosquito bites". I think they're really mean and insulting. Why can't we be more accepting of ourselves and others? I find it disheartening to tell you the truth. Still, I will continue to dream on and pray that one day we will live in a world that embraces people of all different sizes. Perhaps instead of worrying about increasing our cup size, we should be thinking about increasing the size of our hearts. That is a far more pressing matter. It needs attention. Will you give it?

IS AVRIL LAVIGNE ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY?
- Copyright © September 21st, 2002. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

Do you think Avril Lavigne is faking her act as a skater punk? Maybe you think she's the most talented and original artist out there. Whatever opinions you've formed about her, that's fine. Click here to read my lengthy opinion on Avril Lavigne.

RING-RING!!!
- Copyright © February 1st, 2003. Mary Shaw. All rights reserved.

I am one of the last few university students who doesn't own a cell phone. Do I want one? Nope. Do I have a use for one? Nope. Am I pathetic? Nope. Can I answer differently? Nope...err...I mean, yeah.

Cell phones are gaining even more popularity over the years, but I still have no interest in them, nor do I have the funds to pay for the monthly bill that accompanies it. Sure, I do think that cell phones are more convenient than running to use a dirty payphone.

It really astounds me how extremely involved people are with their cell phones (also known as their babies). Not only can you choose from a huge (almost endless) assortment of coloured and patterned cover faceplates, but you can also get fashionable keypads, because the original ones just will not do! *Rolls eyes* For those who don't catch on, please note my sarcasm dripping off of your screen.

As if that wasn't enough, now we don't hear the usual "ring-ring" that a phone makes. Now we can listen to Beethoven's 5th Symphony, the Charleston, The Entertainer, or heck, if you're feeling festive, you can even set Jingle Bells to play instead of the usual ring-ring.

If you are the type that craves excessive variety and you have a strong desire to transcend the norm, you can even go online now and download a wide variety of ring tones from the internet at minimal or no cost. If you wish to take this even further, you can up the notch by composing your own song to be used for your ring tone, depending on the cell phone model you own.

But what about those times when you don't wish to draw attention to a phone call. Let's say you're in a lecture hall and the professor tends to get itchy and irritated when a ring goes off whille (s)he's blabbering on about how clay particles are smaller in diameter than sand, silt, or gravel? What then? Why, you can turn your phone off, sure, but why do that when you now have all these other options?

You can have your phone set to the silent mode, and heck, now you can have your phone vibrate. Yes, our phone calls are that important! We need to know who is calling at the exact moment that they call. You can get call display, call waiting, and other options.

Oh, and should you ever get bored (God forbid!) then the cell phone comes to the rescue! You can play a whole bunch of nifty games on it and if you don't mind squinting at the tiny screen, then it'll be your cup of tea. I will not even go into how you can surf the internet, check e-mail, and send text messages with your cell phone...*sigh*...

It seems like a phone is now not just used to TALK with someone. It has now become a device to cure boredom, promote creativity and individualism, as well as for one's personal amusement...Now people are ringing and buzzing all over with cell phones. When they hear a ring, a beep, a melody playing, or when they feel the phone vibrate, they start reaching all over themselves, shuffling through their bags, getting sweaty and anxious. You'd think that they'd gotten a call from someone really important - like a mother in labour.

When I'm on the public transportation, I can't help but overhear conversations. Some of the ones I've heard from people using cell phones are quite pathetic, while others are chatty and seem to take no notice that there are others who are eavesdropping. I've heard almost everything.

Example 1: " Hi...[pause]...It's me. [Pause]...Nothin'...[Longer pause]...What are you doin'? [Pause]...Uh-huh...[Pause] Later."

Example 2: " Yeah, I know! Jamie is such a [long censored phrase here]...I mean [censor]! Why can't he [censor]? One day, I'm gonna [long censored phrase here]!!!!"

Personally, I don't like talking on the phone with people listening to my conversation. Heck, I get agitated when even my parents eavesdrop on my conversations! Now we're talking strangers? I don't think so. Call me an old-fashioned young-un....hehe...but I prefer to use a landline phone in the comfort of my house because quite frankly, I really don't want people to be able to reach me all the time.

*Wink* If I'm out, please just leave a message after the beep. *Beeeeeeeeeeeep*

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