May 31st, 2000 - [22:48]

Damn. It's June tomorrow, and I haven't scanned in the photographs for this month's "cover". I really have to change this site's design and structure. Do I have time? No. So I am considering just making my log the first thing you see.

A few things: I am going to the prom. As a consequence I'll be going with Eero, which is nice, no pressure. Not that there would've been. But nevermind. So I've got this weekend to cram all the shopping I gotta do. And the prez award thing? Phhhpt. I'm technically not graduating and not attending commencement, therefore cannot be the receipient. Ah well, the thought was there.

I'm in a surprisingly good mood. Surprisingly good. So good that it's a bit out of place.

And I lost the tune I had in my head today. Note to self: next time, hit the piano keyboard, not the computer keyboard first.

May 29th, 2000 - [18:32]

I am now affectionately know as "the jerk" for not going to the prom. And since I am not going, Sanaz's gotta find another person for the President's Award presented at the banquet. Ah well, the important thing is, I was her first choice. Hee.

Quotes of the day:

(Una): "Skanky Marge? There's an oxymoron."

(Patrick, upon confrontation regarding a commitment): "That? Yes, I do have it. That is, I will have it by today. I really will. You look nice today, by the way."

May 28th, 2000 - [23:45]

Observation about hugs and the male species. They'll hug you for two reasons (if you're a girl): either they really do like/respect you, and just wanted to give you a hug, or they just miss having their chest pressed against yours.

I'm so pround of myself when my own male theories are proven true (true only because they have happened predictably for more than once, of course). Do guys going around playing mind games with girls? I'm sure they do.

In fact, I KNOW they do. (The true adventage of having guy friends, and not boy friends: they tell you everything.)

[13:26]

Prize of the weekend: Butch dog food ads. Remember seeing phallic/suggestive ads about dog food? I've seen the one about pussy, here's the rest in their glory. (Jason found them first.)

Oh, and a note about last night. I saw a clown on the subway going home as I was going downtown. I would've died to have my camera with me. I have to start remembering to do that.

[11:50]

What a morning. Four squirrels chasing after two female squirrels in the tree in front of my house (some party), and the ambulance came to take my neighbour away. And if anyone recalls me telling the story, this is the neighbour that I saw naked at 2am in the morning. (From my window, not direct confrontation. Yuck.)

(Now, for something COMPLETELY off topic.)

There is always some sense of determinism that exists in our lives. With every decision, you can only choose to decide or ignore it. The determinism around us not straight forward, not in the sense that everything has be PRE-determined. That should I know everything that's happened before, I should be able to predict the furture completely.

So...if we're going to bother with the term determinism to explain the effects of causality, why not just call it causality, and accept that ultimately, we have free will? Too much debate research for me.

Hee. I don't know who Brock is, but I like this poem about Five Ways To Kill A Man.

Before I loose this vision in my head:

When my hair thins and turns a silver grey, I'll have a conservatory. With plants and big windows. I don't care if I don't have a dining room or living room or a bedroom. There'll be my Steinway piano, maybe brown, maybe black, but definately not white. I will stil have strong fingers to play, and my eye sight would not have betrayed me just yet. And I will play. And if I am lucky, there will be a man sitting or standing beside me. He might be reading, watching, maybe turning pages for me, or offering suggestions. He might interupt me with a thought he had with what he's reading, which is something I'm probably interested in as well.

I'm sooo full of it sometimes.

So a bunch of retired musicians gathered and play music with their instruments and specialized studies. Hmm. Just trying to imagine the CyberARTS/Don Mills reunion in maybe 4 years...25 computers networked for a game of Quake Arenas, Tito jokes, find out that we all went out and did something COMPLETELY different from what we expected to, and "don't get me started about the Fiery!"

Yes, a fulfilling life always start off with a passion. But what is mine? How can I know for sure?

[13:11]

Attending a memorial concert at RCM for Pierre Souvairan who passed away in Switzerland. The program features duo pianists Anagnoson and Kinton playing Variations on a Theme by Haydn by Brahms; violinist Lorand Fenyves playing Beethoven; with special appearances by pianists Philip Thomson and Ralph Elsaesser.

This'll be my first classical concert in eons. That's something I plan to do more often in the near future.

You know, some people forget that human languages of any kind are up for interpretations. The words themselves are not important, but the context is what is essential. I now know this as a human ignorance as demonstrated by some of my philosophy classmates.

Philosophy isn't about running yourself into the ground, it's about getting us out. If you just want to be stubborn/witty and argue, join a debating society.

[10:58]

The following is a message I received at 8:30am this morning (I was having my computer read all my mail to me to wake myself up):

FUCK YEAH!!! ME GODDAMND PLAYING DIABLO2!!!

Needless to say I was slightly caught off guard by my computer's use of colourful language.

This past week, I paid someone money to shut up. Literally. I knew they were collecting money for a charity, so I asked, "Say, aren't you working with that charity thing?" Gave her the money, and she left. I didn't consciously acknowledge my actions until aftewards.

Earl Mlotek: As I was going through my examination papers and certificates, I realized that he was my grade 9 examiner! Have I been under a rock for the past four years?

May 26th, 2000 - [23:06]

Remember that dreaded philosophy test? It's monday. And YearDisc stuff's going to be happening this coming week.

And yet I'm more than distracted by the prospect of pursuing musical studies in university.

I'm playing all the odds: With the remaining 9 months till auditions in Feb/March... design a program for it... seeking advice and guidence... and getting over the fact that I'm doing this.

It seems that the older you are, the less you're suceptable to change. Must be that dependence thing. Suddenly, you're the only one responsible. I guess that just means I have to be more and more courages with the years.

And, as I always do, plan to fail. Cuz baby, it happens.

[16:14]

Don reminds me people that I actually know. Here's an amusing story he wrote, of an actual event. He reminds me of both the Kens that I know... "I didn't know he was going to die, I was just sticking a knife in his neck!"

DAMN. Two more prom tickets left. Sudden, it looked it it was meant to be that I should go. Then I realized that I couldn't spend the money, despite Patrick's ignorant insistance that I should. I have more important things to spend them on.

Besides, if I'm really wanted, they'd all pitch in and get me a ticket, and vouch money together for me to get a new dress! (hint hint)

Many awards ceremonies and graduations for me in the next few weeks. Got an invitation to the first one because I'm suppose to get recognized for something. I have no idea what. Then there's the Cyber graduation. Doesn't seem like 4 years.

May 25th, 2000 - [23:27]

I found this scribbled in my notebook. And I remember:

Do I really want anything? Anything attainable?

Do I know what is attainable? Is my logic flawed?

Every sruge of joy merely sets me up for a plummet from greater heights. There is nothing there to sustain me. To keep me.

I keep expecting there to be. There must be.

Amongst the grubble nad bones, and rotten flesh and souls.

There must be.

I'm not sure I recall exactly what moved me to write that. I'm getting very good at forgetting little things like that. Is it just me, or does it sound like it was serious? Maybe it's just me.

But there is truth in there that I believe in. No matter where I am, how I'm feeling, what I'm doing. There will always be that moment, when you wake up, and you realize the scent from the flowers was really a rotting stench.

There were no flowers to begin with, my dear. There was only you. And always only you.

[22:18]

This is probably the first and only time waster that has lurred me for more than 5 miutes. Damn you Alexi.

[19:15]

Phillis Webb. My latest literary addiction. (Soon to be anyway.)

[18:49]

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about." - Albert Einstein.

And people thought I was a crazy workaholic... passion is important. Sometimes, however, you still have to think twice about your passions: is this what you want, or is this what you are?

I can never tell.

[16:40]

Dreamweaver 3 and Fireworks 3 studio...mmm...the joys of being in charge...

Unger: So who can tell me the rationalist elements and the empiricist elements from Kant's philosophy? *silence* Well I bet Margaret can answer that!

You know you've made an impression on a teacher when...

YearDisc is rolling again. It's that critical point where either it makes or it breaks. Same with the camp...either I mess up on the budgeting and curriculum and hiring, or everything will go well during the summer.

Ironically, I just found out I had a reason to go to the prom this year. But I'm not going to be there. Ah well, the most sincere faces of people are the cheers for you when you're not there. (I realize I'm being cryptic. All will be revealed after the prom.)

Did I mention just how cool Macromedia Fireworks is?

May 24th, 2000 - [22:44]

Can anyone educate/enlight me on Lobachevsky's geometry? As apposed to Euclidian? Why didn't I learn about this stuff back in middle school? Chinese parents have this baaad rep of making math so unbelievably BORING that you loose all passion for it by the time you're in high school.

I want those 4 years of my life back damnit.

[20:00]

I went out to see Mission Impossible: 2, ended up bumping into all my friends: Meaghan, Catherine, etc. The movie was very predictable, except for the (always) captivating infiltration scenes, I had spare time to analyze male psychology a little bit. I was, after all, sitting with three other guys. One of my conclusions: Motorcycle has a certain sex appeal. I'm sure both sexes don't mind having something rumbling and humming between their legs while going on thrill rides.

Guns an explosions and leather just don't do it for me any more.

May 23, 2000 - [22:41]

Well, apparently Patrick "decided" that I wasn't going to be on Cabinet for CORP this year. Well, I never!

I like you. I hate you. I want you here. I can't stand you. I respect you. I don't believe you. I trust you. *sigh* I can never quite make up my mind about what I feel, especially towards other people. But this is just between you and me.

Meaghan got the prints back, and apparently they're beeeeeeyoootifull. I can't wait to see them myself, or get my hands on those negs. Will post some up as soon as I get the CD from Dax.

Just wanted to update my mood.

[22:05]

I feel so bad. I doubled book myself today after school. I've NEVER done that before. Ever.

I had a revelation though. The more important you are, the more sponsible you are. There will come a point in the chain of power that your only job is to be responsible.

And that's what I am. Responsible. Responsible for not double booking myself. Responsible for holding meetings and making sure things are going well. To me, that's not real work. You can't fix it. Your mistakes are permenant. You can only accomodate for your mistake, but you can never fix it.

I can NOT believe that I double booked.

This is another one of those times where you have to pretend you don't feel anything, and be a bitch. I love my job.

May 22nd, 2000 - [18:06]

Me: Is the water suppose to be green like that?

Anibal: Yeah, there's stuff living in it.

Me: If it wasn't so green I'd be really tempted to jump in for a swim.

Anibal: Well, clear water may be the most toxic thing and the last thing you'd want to jump into!

Me: ? I thought WE kill that stuff, so that we get clear water.

Anibal: Yeah but in nature? Everything in the water is dead.

Well. Never thought of that before.

[00:17]

Thoughts @ 3am.

This was an actual conversation I had in a dream, in it's most publishable format. Don't bug me about what you think it means. Trust me. I've thought of it already.

May 21th, 2000 - [19:49]

Sarah Brightman. I had nooo idea what I was missing until I caught her Eden concert on Bravo last night.

I am always jealous of people who can sing. There is not a gift more simple and divine.

Looking through the U of T Arts and Sciences courses. Found a few that I think I'd like. Cognitive science, Musical studies (not performance, but it's EVERYTHING that I want: keyboard harmony, Operas of Mozart, Counterpoint, Orchestration, music before 1600...), and sociology. I want to take all three of this. I will end up either majoring in 2 of them, or majoring in 1 and minoring in 2 other. (I only wish I could major in 2 and minor in 1!) If I REALLY had to...I could drop cognitive science... sociology is to cover my ass if I end up being unemployed by the end of my undergrad, and music is just...what I want to do anyway. I was seriously considering picking up music again. But just think! A part of my courses in university! Who would've thought! Cognitive science was to further my philosophical pursuits, something I do anyway. I think I could use that motivation more for my musical interests.

Now all I have to work out is where I can work while I'm pursuing studies. And if that goes well, I will have no regrets.

Well... except that I can't move out of Toronto and check out other schools. But don't get me started.

May 20th, 2000 - [16:31]

Art Project Idea #1: A series of photographs entitled "1984"

Art Project Idea #2: An Audio Narrative. Carry one around with me and record sounds. Layer it with narration of a story?

I need to purchase a reeeally good microphone so that I can plug it into the computer and record music and sound. And get approrpiate mixing software, and music notations. The latter is much harder to find than one might think.

[10:46]

The photos turned out well. There's at least three that I'd like to work on. Maybe make it a photo essay. Hmm.... (and this is the batch to do with hands, yet to hear from Meaghan about how hers turned out.)

It was so nice to have someone to talk to, and to show my work to. Anibal's great for feed back like that. Everytime I see him there's this invisible pressure that I should bring the latest work that I've been working on.

*sigh*

I felt content and beautiful until I woke up this morning at 9am. Now I'm cranky and have shit to do.

Currently: No Doubt, Ex-Girlfriend, a whole lotta Hives and Esthero/Morcheeba remixes. Mmm...Esthero...

May 18th, 2000 - [22:58]

Speaking of irony... (and no, I didn't send this to myself to be even more ironic.)

[17:34]

There are definitely adventages to being a female in a male populated classroom. Too bad there's only 4 more weeks of it left to enjoy.

I was looking for interesting music. And I found a remix of The Neverending Story theme! It's on infinite repeat along with a remix of Bittersweet Symphony. I'm beginning to figure out what kind of music to listen to when I'm in certain moods. Or when I think I need to snap out of a mood. I'm beginning to put together a list, and if it turns out ot be interesting, I shall post it.

The Relatius/Rediculus project is getting a bit ridiculous (no pun intended). I think I've lost the point to begin with. Argh.

May 17th, 2000 - [23:34]

Just finished watching Hunt for Red October. Sean Conery (sp?) is the hollywood embodiment of male perfection not just because of his looks, but for his smarts. I don't know how intelligent he is in person, but certainly all the roles that he play are sophistocrats. (Notice I said the hollywood embodiment, which, in the end, has no meaning.) Now I remember why I liked marine movies.

There is so much that can be accomplished in a team, when they share the same vision, when they respect the same leadership. You need to have a passion you believe in first. Devotion to a level where you don't care what others say. All that's important is you.

I really have difficulty doing that. Making myself the centre of the universe. Something inside me prevents me from doing so.

And besides. It's never worked out for me that way.

Hope. Against despair.

Light of my day.

[18:07]

The more I think about Hume, the more I agree with him. And I recall disinctly at the beginning of this chapter on Empiricists that I was convinced that I wasn't one.

There's still a huge chunk of me that's a rationalist. Probably for practical purposes.

And lately I seem to contradict myself a lot. Not immediately, but I'd review the things that were bugging me the day before, and rationalize myself to comfort.

I am impressed by the turn around time of software purchase. I placed an order for copies of Dreamweaver 3 and Fireworks 3 two days ago, and they arrived this morning! Unbelievable. It's so nice to know I have the software to run my new course this summer. Now all I need is a curriculum! (Notice this was left to the very end.)

May 16th, 2000 - [23:30]

Patrick shouldn't have to be afraid for me for my mother, and calls me from the front of my house instead of knocking.

I shouldn't have to explain my feelings to someone more than once.

My mom doesn't need to tell me what a woman needs to fear and making sure that you're not being taking adventage of.

She doesn't need to fucking tell me.

And I shouldn't be so impatient with all this. I should work it out. Intelligently and wisely.

And I shouldn't be bothered at all.

But she doesn't need to tell me. Like I'm an infant. Clueless. Careless. Ignorant.

[16:58]

Things are generally bad.

I don't know why.

Well I do. I know why I feel something is wrong. I just haven't let all the symptoms to be apparent to everyone else around me. That would make me a basket case.

There seems only three things that seems to make me feel good, even temporarily. Sincere company (currently only Faria and Meaghan), my music (composition has gone extremely well sine my brother's not around), and food.

Even sandman seem to have something against me.

I'll give this two more weeks. After that, serious action must be taken.

May 15th, 2000 - [23:39]

I...*gasp*...can't stop....*gag* laughing.....ahahahahaha

(I have an urge to rent.)

(Ah hell, I will.)

In a world where our biggest enemies are no longer the sabertoothed mosquitos and squared eye chuwawas, cheap, lame, and preditable violence awashed with a temporarily insane mindset can be very healthy for you. Having all that stress pent up is no good. At one point in that game, when the guy is hiding behind those chairs who has given me the key to pass the gates, I could not remove the desire to blow away those chairs and just see his head launch off from a fountain of blood at the base of his neck.

So I did.

Ahh....the short and breif days when I went zombie shooting and mastered the game of air hockey...

And maybe I'm acting all weird because of the double irony that exists behind the process from which I obtained this midnight laugh. My life is overfilled with those. I should write a book on all of them some day. (More on this particular irony tomorrow maybe.)

On second thought. Ignore all my psycho-analysis above. It was the soundtrack. Music can move me in unimaginable ways. Those who have seen me being absorbed by music have been pleased, in awe, surprised, jealous, frightened, and maybe even all of the above.

Where's my macster. I want more Hive. I feel strangely high. (That sounds like the title for a good song. Remember, you heard it here first.)

[17:56]

Stewart wrote: I'm psyched to see one more person going into philosophy. Some people waste their time, but in most cases it makes the world a better place :)

I wanted to write about just how "good" this world looks to me at the moment. I guess that isn't the big deal, it's what you're doing to make it better. I have a quote written on the inside cover of the notebook Meaghan gave me for...one reason or another (birthday or christmas, can't remember) by Timothy FIndley, a Canadian writer reccently discovered to me:

The thing is not to make excuses for the way you behave - not to take refuge in tragedy - but to clarify who you are through your response to when you lived. If you can't do that, you haven't made your contribution to the future. - The Wars

Finished his book Not Wanted On The Voyage last week. A brilliant take on the story of Noah's Arc and the great flood. I read it too fast though, I think I need to reread it.

Ahh...see. I feel better already. Now...for my daily dose of Paganinni...

May 14th, 2000 - [21:51]

Meaghan: You're nervous.

Me: Hmm? Yeah... I guess I am...

I guess I am. Maybe for the very same reason as you.

[16:51]

Aw. Anibal remembered to make up for my birthday. He's broke. But he remembered.

Hmm...let's see if I can get the photos that I shot this weekend developed before then, so I can show it to him. If they turn out well, of course. If not, it'll just be a secret between you and me.

*sigh* My work is never done.

[12:00]

Just printing out my philosophy log to hand in monday. 9000 words. Three entires per week. Since mid-March. I have a right mind to turn this into my philosophy log.

Hmm. Motivation. Indeed. I knew I needed a kick in the ass of some kind, just wasn't sure what kind to get me to work on this site.

Last night went bladding with Albert, played a silly role playing game with him in the park, and came home for a game of Magic: The gathering.

So this was what I missed out on back then.

Note to self: Make up for your absence.

May 13th, 2000 - [17:20]

Meaghan. You WILL model for me next time, and I'm determined to take that tree-hugger shot.

Finally met Dax. These two are like, clones. (Personality wise, not in appearance.)

I can't seem to find my slide photography. I'm frantic.

And thanks Naru! For fixing my spelling mistake of Vahagn's name.

[11:34]

It's too early. I've done some gardening work, cleaned my camera (for some long dued and promised photography work for friends), AND found a streaming Chomsky lecture at Maseey Hall! This is going to be a good day. Maybe I will crash at Eero's tonight.

Sylloge is on my permenant book mark. This is the reason I'm looking forward to university. Intelligent people WILL be in my social factions, unlike high school, where you can name all the people you respect intellectually with all the digits on your left hand. If I had enough will against my mother I would say, screw business and economics and management! Become a philosophy major!

And who knows. Maybe I could keep my mother in the dark, telling her I'm studying business, and surprise her when I graduate. But what am I talking about. I can't keep a lie up for 4 minutes. Nevermind 4 years.

May 12th, 2000 - [16:16]

A few amusing things today. Someone offered to sleep with me. I apparently "know everything" (Ah AAM the gossip queen!), and I have a really nice tan.

And there's going to be approximately six weeks until the end of school, and the beginning of camp. While everyone is counting down happily how many days until freedom (save those with summer school or unwanted family reunions), I coutndown in dread of the unspoken evils, that are children.

To salvate my sanity at that point, I must work hard to prepare the sacrafices and altar to please the gods. I hear working technology and air-conditioning can do wonders for them.

May 11th, 2000 - [18:32]

I find myself getting more and more irrtable at home. Short tempered, lacking patience. And of course, it's not like I openly express this, but I just feel it.

One thing that keeps annoying me how my mom always decides to listen to the radio 10 minutes to my piano practices.

It's like she's doing it on purpose.

Musical frustration is as frustrating as sexual frustration, I think. You want to, you're dying to, but nope. She wants to listen to the radio.

I just want some time to myself. Some time to think. To sort things out. Everything.

May 10th, 2000 - [20:06]

Albert got braces today. He's quite a sight when he's moaning in agony with his hands on his head. He's also going to be gone for the entire week next week! House all to myself...and that also means I gotta cancel my conference plans. *sigh* Gotta keep mom company.

On the bright side: We'll probably go out and eat since we'd be too lazy to cook, and we won't be worrying about an adolescent boy. And I can go blading on my own. And maybe another tennis game. And this time, I wear pants that won't fall down.

Mmmm...Richard Ashcroft...(The Verve guy.) (And I'm mmming about his music, nothing else.)

Hmm. The messageboard (if you figure out which circle to click on the top left) is probably an accurate reflection of his die hard fans. Too bad.

May 9th, 2000 - [23:16]

Thunder... music to my ears.

FInally finished Seize The Night. I can't believe that took me 4 months. I am so... unmotivated when it comes to myself.

And telling myself I'm going to fix that soon probably won't help. I have a headache.

May 7th, 2000 - [23:01]

Oh my. I'm not alone in my derranged music taste and pursuits. Techno and classical. Mixer and pianist and percussionist. It's such a nice feeling to know the struggle isn't alone. (Check his older entries.)

Dammit. When's Pat getting his mixer. I wanna play.

[22:11]

Okay. I lied.

[18:19]

I turn down a tennis game with Patrick, and I go off and play handball with my brother.

And my mother thinks I'm a delinquent for not trying to go out with boys and shop with girls. Instead I work on my computer, read, and practice the piano. To her, it seems like it's all that I do.

And maybe I am a bit of a delinquent. I mean, who wants to spend time with their younrger siblings instead of going out with friends?

Damn. Maybe I shoud've been more deicisive with Patrick.

[12:30]

Mmm...cake and Pi......

Alexi is amazing. He actually typed up a 20 pages instrutor's instruction manual for the camp! Robert reminds me about the New Media Conference in a few weeks and makes sure I'm up to date... I am often in awe of the people that I know.

*awe*

May 5th, 2000 - [18:15]

Note to self: Get that set of slide photography scanned, PRONTO.

I have suddenly found myself with access to quite a large library of reggae and jungle music. Not my own, but a willing and generous owner. WOW. I am puzzled by people who can pay off obscene quantities of material possessions. It seems almost as bad as drugs. Only difference is that they don't last.

Problems with yearbook (Still? Come on people, I sent those to you over a month ago, now you figure out you can't open them?), have to order software for the camp, I'll be reviewing curriculum this weekend, AND I have some YearDisc promotional things that I should be doing.

Oh yes, Patrick arrives from Australia tonight. He should be on a plane right now.

Just when I thought I could catch up on my sleep... *sigh* Coffee anyone?

May 4th, 2000 - [22:07]

Deb: "But you excel at this stuff! (Respond to my bitching about how difficult it is to figure this staffing thing out for the summer.)"

Me: "At what, to be able to bear tremendous and inhuman levels of stress and still remain and appear to be calm and collected?"

Deb: "Right!"

Well, that's an interesting summary of my talent/skill. And I have figured the staffing thing out. Finally.

And an odd thing. None of my relatives had any clue that Patrick was travelling to Toronto. Usually I'm the last to hear about this kind of stuff, and the kind of travelling that Patrick does it's hard for me to keep track of the places he's been to. I'm really curious as to what brings him here with such haste. What possibly...?

Fixed the twists and cinnamon link.

May 3rd, 2000 - [23:34]

Something is wrong. I'm feeling way too good about myself today.

[21:17]

I get an e-mail from Patrick (another one, this one's my cousin from Australia), saying that he'll be in Toronto this Saturday, and he says he wants to come and visit. Talk about short noticed. I wonder what brings him in town. Haven't seen him in about three years now. His younger brother, Paul, visited me this last summer. I think these are the only relatives that I actually keep in touch with personally.

And I can't BELIEVE how close I was to actually sending out those letters to people whom I'm hiring. And yes, this means that I'm glad I didn't. More twists. More cinnamon.

Damn. This means I can't go out with the Meaghan duo this weekend.

Note to self: Men don't suck, they're quite lovable. Just don't depend your life on one.

May 2nd, 2000 - [21:27]

Where's Meaghan and her blowdryer when I need to be defrosted.

Excuse the sloppiness. I didn't realize it was May so quickly.

It's interesting when you don't really sleep anymore, because you dream so frequently and vividly. Others may like to romanticize it and say it's your subconscious trying to speak to you. I know exactly what my dreams are trying to say to me, it just annoys the hell out of me that I can't get a good night's sleep. Because man, it show, and it sucks.

Seven weeks of school left also doesn't help. We've just finished mid-terms about 2 weeks ago, I now have three ISPs on my shoulders in addition to an increase work load for the camp. Curriculum, technology planning, training, money, software, deposits, registration... this is as close to madness as I hope to ever be.

No, wait. Let me rephrase. Let this be as close to denial as I'll ever get. Because I don't think this has hit me yet.

Did I mention I have to start YearDisc sales in two weeks?

And people think I have time for other things in my life. Ppphht.